Tuesdays with Eggi

I am Eggi. I am three years old. 

Every day I wake up and very first thing I have to jump on the bed and see if anyone is still sleeping. Then I run to the back door because a girl has to go pee as soon as she can, every day. I run out the door and go around the yard as fast as I can in case there was a squirrel or a bird. 

Then I go pee and then I need to come back inside immediately to find out what is taking so long with breakfast.

I like to wait for my breakfast in my kennel in case they forget to give me mine. I always eat all of my breakfast, including all three vitamin pills (one to make me shiny, one to make me run fast, and one that I don’t know what it’s for). I clean my bowl. I would eat twice as much breakfast as they give me.

Then I have to have a nap in my kennel because that is the rule in this house.

When they open the door to my kennel I have to go check the cat’s bowl first. The cat’s food is even better than mine.

Then we run outside some more. You have to check behind the bushes because there might be something there.

On Tuesdays I skip the morning nap and I go to obedience class. I get a cookie just for getting in the car. I rest in the car but I do not nap because I have to be extremely ready for what’s next. 

When we are almost there I stand up and do a little bit of squealing and howling; I am quite excited to arrive. 

I have to wear a leash to go from the car to the classroom, up a flight of stairs above a big garage. Before I go up the stairs I do a pee so everyone knows that I, Eggi, was here. 

Obedience class is with my good friend, Hamilton, and this other dog, Walker. Hamilton’s person brings me chicken so I always run over to say hello to her. Hamilton himself is a gray standard poodle and if you don’t know what that is, it’s like a vizsla, but the wrong color, and with fluffy soft curls. Hamilton is fun to chase or play boxing with. Sometimes when Hamilton jumps he goes extra high and I find it a little embarrassing but don’t tell him I said so because I wouldn’t want him to be self-conscious about it. If I were to be another kind of dog maybe I would be a poodle.

I am good at heeling and getting the dumbbell, but I do like to toss it back onto my molars to give it a good hard chomp even though I am not supposed to. I get special things like cheese and pieces of pork chop at obedience class. I like all dog treats even the sad, dry ones that other dogs don’t like. I check the spots on the floor every week, just in case there are crumbs.

Mostly, I am a very good girl at obedience class until I get tired; my teacher says sometimes dogs get headaches. Then I have trouble knowing when I should be sitting and when I should be lying down. 

After class I have another pee and get one more cookie just for jumping back into the car.

I have a rest in the car almost all the way home but when we turn onto our road I leap to my feet and squeal because I know we are almost there.

Captain and Fellow are happy and excited that I am home and we all run out to check the bird feeder for birds and then the back fence for people. Usually Fellow wants to play chase and while he is fast, I am clever and I am quick, so I always win.

If the UPS truck comes I bark a lot because that’s what dogs are supposed to do; I don’t make the rules.

If Fellow gets a squeaky toy I have to take it away from him and even though we have plenty of toys he will bother me until I give it back.

In the afternoon when we go for a walk, sometimes we stick to the road and sometimes we go in the woods. I like to pee on the corner by the stop sign so everyone knows this is my house. Me, Eggi. I live here.  If there are any big rocks on the way we stop and my person says, “Table,” which means get up on it so I stand on the rock and my person takes a picture. If I see deer I stand up on my hind legs and yell my head off. Deer make me mad as heck. Usually I have to poop, and I spend a long time finding the perfect place to poop because I have my standards. When we get home from a walk we run around the yard as fast as we can just to show the people how slow they are.

Then we have a rest to wait for dinner, and sometimes it is a very long time to wait.

Nevertheless, it is important to wait in the kitchen when the people are cooking because you can get pieces of carrot or potato just for being in the right place at the right time. And sometimes food gets dropped on the floor and cleaning it up is a dog’s job.

At dinner time I always eat all of my dinner. I would eat twice as much dinner as they give me.

Then I have to have a nap in my kennel because that is another rule in this house.

After the people are done with their dinner, they open the door to my kennel, and I have to go check the cat’s bowl again. 

Then we run outside some more.

Running around in the dark is very exciting.

When we are done running around, we press ourselves against the French doors so the people can see that we need to come in immediately. My person makes us sit on a rug before we track mud everywhere.

We usually take another nap until it’s time to watch TV. We like TV and I always sit with my person.

When it’s time for bed we get to go run around outside one last time and my person yells “No toads!” at me and “No jumping out!” at Fellow. She doesn’t yell at Captain because Captain’s too old to jump out and too slow for toads. When we come inside, everyone gets their teeth brushed, even the cat. Then we get one last treat for going in our kennels and go to sleep. Sometimes Fellow digs for a while in his kennel. I might have to turn around three times, and sigh. 

I hope tomorrow is Tuesday again, but if it isn’t, that’s ok, because I will probably get breakfast anyway.