I couldn’t help but hear


What I saw: a layer of wet snow on the ground this morning. 


What I did beforehand: woke up early from a dream in which Beyoncé was complaining that she didn’t want her children to wear saddle shoes because it would make them look like “black hillbillies.” I asked her how she got her costumes to fit so well. I didn’t argue with her about the saddle shoes. Or ask about “black hillbillies.”

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What I wore: the pink gown with the opening in the front.


Who went with me: three women who booked their mammogram appointments together every year.

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How I got a referral: from the Lady Parts Doctor, who told me she thinks everything is fine, nothing has changed, the lights are on and people are going to work and people really oughtta stop freaking out about the election. “The hate crimes will stop when the economy recovers,” she told me. “When people have money they’re happy,” she continued. “This is why socialism doesn’t work.”
I didn’t mention Sweden.


Why I saw this show: I was on time. Early, even.

Where I sat: in the waiting room, where I heard one of the receptionists discussing medical insurance providers with a patient, and referring to one of the offerings as “Obamacare.”

Things that were sad: the sound system. The pictures of flowers. 

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH DIAL !

Things that were funny: when the third sister went to get her mammogram, the two remaining sisters lowered their voices and continued to talk about their legal and accounting issues. Everything they said was perfectly audible to me, though most of it didn’t really make sense. 
“You should talk to Little Carmine,” said one sister. “You need a corporate accountant….And, not Brian! He’s fresh out of school. He’s a little pecker-head.” 
“I’m writing 30 checks a week, and he wants two thousand. …And he says, ‘Whatever.’
‘It’s not whatever!’ I said. He said, ‘Well, we’ll find out.’
“I’m going to Florida February 1st for fiddy days. I gotta be able to write checks. …but, you know what?  Life don’t work that way.”

Things that were not funny: I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard anyone called a “little pecker-head” before. Maybe I’ve been missing out.

Something I ate: cereal when I got home.

What it is: is it eavesdropping if it’s so loud you can’t not hear it?

Who should come up with an emoji for mammograms: you.

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What I saw on the way home: fine rain falling that would wash away the snow before the morning was over.

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